The Horror of Kids and Grocery Shopping: 10 Approaches for Survival

Every week I tell myself the same thing.

"Never ever again will I grocery shop with these children."

You've probably seen "my kids." You know the screaming ones? The ones that throw tantrums on the floor for a certain cereal. Or cry from sheer exhaustion from the whole hunting and gathering experience.

 And I've tried everything to make it an enjoyable experience.

These are my 10 tested approaches to grocery shopping when you have little children:

1. Bribing with candy. -Can last until it's gone...or I eat it.

2. The carts with the car attached in the front.-Davy once tried to steal some lighters in her mini car attachment and thankfully I caught her before she burned Kroger to a crisp.

3. Tandem grocery cart shopping- Davy with her cart, and me with mine. She loves those tiny carts, but insists we fill her cart with all the food and then it gets too heavy for her and she gets distracted and wants to run. Or she runs into displays and old people. This leaves me with the baby, the runaway toddler and our two carts to push. Not fun.

She has that look of sheer determination in her eyes. It scares me.

4. Bribing with food-again, all is fine until the food runs out. 

5. Singing songs throughout the store-This is just an embarrassment to mothers everywhere.

6. Letting her help me pick up the food to put in the cart.-Until she puts everything she can get those grubby fingers on and throws them in the cart when my back is turned.

7. Timing naps with the grocery store trip-The nap thing could hypothetically work. If I didn't have two of them. I don't have enough arms or strength. I never anticipated the physical demands of this job. Gianna is helping me get some huge muscles lately with this whole separation anxiety deal. 

8. Bribing with drinks -Doesn't really work. She knows she shouldn't have to work to quench her thirst.

9. Strap in the toddler-This should work. Who cares about the screaming. Only problem is Davy is known for opening food from her strapped in position in the cart then leisurely tossing it back in the cart opened. (The yogurt was the worst.)

 10. Stroller power. This is my favorite way if I have to go. Both kids are strapped in safely. We can walk to the grocery store from our house when the temperature isn't well below freezing. I am only limited by my stroller basket.

Sometimes these diversions work short term, but there is nothing short term about taking two kids to the grocery store. The best way to go with kids is...don't. Just don't do it. Shop super late at night or early in the morning. Do WHATEVER it takes. That's what I think. Mostly I am too lazy and tired to go this wonderful route. Or solicit people to watch your children. Pay people to watch them. Or there's that frozen thing in the freezer in the tupperware... it's probably still edible. It's worth the risk.

But here we are again, Monday morning after a holiday away from home and we need some real food in this house. We already ate the questionable tupperware food.

So, we'll probably go to the grocery store and use a combination of these tactics which fail me week after week.

Then we can count how many old people tell me I have my hands full.