Apr 12, 2011

Poison Control and Breaking in to your own Home

Just an average day at the family home. But as I have come to realize, everyday is an adventure over here.

Today I felt mostly lazy/tired/ not feeling like doing much in the way of my motherly and wifely duties, if you will.

So during Gianna's nap, I sat down with Davy and watched some good old fashion "Land Before Time." Which, by the way, is frightening for a 2 almost 3 year old. (I recommend fast forwarding any "Sharptooth" T-Rex parts.)

When Gianna woke up, Davy and her chased each other around our little house for a good 10 minutes complete with screaming laughing and me checking in with them as they ran back and forth down the hallway 478 times. Then I heard something horrible. My door close to my bedroom with two little voices inside.

Horrible because the lock on the door is a ghetto button thing on the side and my lock-picking skills have not yet been able to break it. Davy loves to lock herself in my room. I know. I know. I need to get a new door, or a new door knob or tie Davy's hands behind her back or something. But I just haven't. She knows it's super naughty. And mostly it hasn't been too terrible besides the first horrific time when I climbed into my bedroom window from outside only to find she had let herself out.

Anyway, like a good little child, she opened the door to my disapproving headshakes and tisk tisk fingers "Davy! We cannot close Mommy's door."

"We can't?" She looked at me innocently with her big dark brown eyes.

"You cannot go in there with Gianna and close the door."

She seemed convinced and she walked out of the room. But she had a plan.

About 20 minutes later...

I walked down the hallway with Davy and Gianna close behind and attempted to get into my bedroom. The door was locked.

My initial paranoid thought was that a scary Peeping Tom was obviously in my bedroom and locked himself in. I had no idea you could lock my door and get out safely on the other side. It never occurred to my tiny brain.

But Davy, with her over-sized melon of a head knew that you could. And so she did. I don't know why I even ask her why he does these things, because she usually tries to trick me with some sort of double negative question .

"You don't want me to lock your door without Gianna and me inside?"

See what I mean? What does that even mean?

"No Davy, please do not lock my door, even when you and Gianna are not inside." I don't think I'm smart enough to be a parent. 

Thankfully my mother stopped over later and I was able to climb into my bedroom window like a creepster. It was hard without the added adrenalin of thinking a child is locked inside.

Then the three of us made our way to  Docter Yacker...not his real name. Just what Davy calls him.

Gianna was running like a wild woman around our little room in only a diaper as we waited for her 1 year checkup and other things related to that.

I could tell the Doctor genuinely was worried about her well-being as she climbed on the chairs fearlessly and as Davy stood on the chairs to reach more books on the shelves.

"It's just so dangerous when they are 1 and have no idea what they are doing."

He just kept shaking his head. "I'm surprised she doesn't have more bruises." 

Thank goodness she has a big sister to push her down and kick her over frequently so she has learned the art of catching her falls. She actually walks around with one arm straight out, palms out, to block people who get in her way.

On the way home from the Doctor, they both passed out and I had to do the carseat to house while asleep transfer. I really suck at it. But today I was successful.  I had resolved not to listen to NPR sit in the car in my driveway with them both for an hour or so while they slept.

When they woke up, Gianna promptly tried to eat one of those Cascade dishwasher detergent actionpacs. I stupidly put them under the sink and our kid lock thing was not secured. She took a bite and some of that heinous stuff got in her mouth. Just a teensy bit I think. Enough to make her breath smell like clean dishes. I called poison control right away and they said to give her lots to drink and call back if she upchucks. Thankfully she didn't.

After that little mishap. Obviously, they needed to be strapped in to protect them from further danger. So we went on a little stroller walk with our friends.

Then at dinner I almost  poisoned our entire family with natural gas. Somehow the flame went out mid-dinner prep and only when I noticed my throat was hurting did I find the culprit.

I think it is more than obvious that I am a danger to children and families everywhere.  On that note, goodnight.


  1. Ohhhhh Maureen!! I am laughing hysterically over here. I feel like a bad person laughing so hard but seriously, your blog is just such good entertainment. Better by far than reality TV.

    And don't worry - everyone has crazy days where they wonder how in the heck they are allowed to be a mother! (The other day, I turned my back for all of 2 minutes, and I turned around to find Gemma chewing on the end of an electrical wire that was, yes, plugged into the outlet. Yea, not a good mommy moment.)

  2. dying, laughing. Ahhhhh locking doors and small children are a bad, bad combination.

    wait. is it bad to sit in the car and listen to NPR while the kiddos nap?? cuz I do it....plan for it....yearn for it...

  3. C.a, that is a daily occurrence in our house! Oh kids, if they survive us...(and we them) it's safe to say that we are pretty resilient humans!

  4. just take your door knob off! or get one of those things that doesn't allow you to close the door all the way:-)....what I love @ poison control is how they ask you a whole slew of questions BEFORE they address your concerns @ what your kid just ate!

  5. Karen MitchellApril 28, 2011

    I was in a hotel in India and didn't know I could leave the room, lock the door behind me, and the friend in the room would be locked inside! Like Rapunzel locked in a tower. She had to call across the street to get someone to get me on the roof and unlock the door.

    Locked doors shouldn't be so tricky. And your daughters chose the most wonderful mother possible.


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