Jan 12, 2011

How to Potty Train: Scientifically

Sorry I've been slacking lately blogging...As usual I have great excuses reasons I could not blog.
-last minute video camera tour of my colon on Friday at the doctor.
-newbie cloth diapering with my favorite chubby baby, Gianna (Thank you Sarah K.)
-husband working late
-exhaustion
-read Eat, Pray, Love and it just made me realize I love to eat and led to
-me making and eating falafels with tzakiki sauce, Italian meatball soup, homemade peanut butter, and homemade strawberry sorbet, and probably other things...Oh yes and the remainder of the dairy free cupcakes from the birthday party Sunday are now gone. gone. gone. Thanks Anne S. for giving me multiple reasons I need to start running again asap. 

And now back to your regularly scheduled blogram...

Special shout out to Sarah S. for the advice on potty training.


Potty Training: A Scientific Method


Problem: My two year old pees and poops in her diaper and we're snowed in.


The hypothesis:
If child eats and drinks food while remaining on the potty, the child will eventually pee and/or poop in the potty. The child will continue, on own, to use the potty in a desperate pursuit of sugar and dancing. 

The materials:
a talkative diaper loving two-year old
pretzels of all shapes and sizes
apple juice with a new sippy cup
a pink potty
a tiny potty seat that sits on the potty
a step stool
pull ups
reward candy-smarties and dum dums
Computer or TV or DVD player
DVDs or youtube videos, like this elmo one

The Procedure:
1) Sit child in front of the electronic babysitter
2) Make sure she is pantless
3) Give child a bottomless bowl of pretzels
4) Give child ample apple juice
5) Dance and give child candy after doing business in the potty


Experiment Observations 
The two year old peed in the potty multiple times. There was even fecal material in the potty on one occasion. Mother and daughter participated in impromptu potty dances complete with flailing limbs and awkward half jumps after the deed was done. Simultaneously, songs were sung that may have included but were not limited to these lyrics, "You went pee pee in the potty/ you went pee pee in the potty/ you didn't go on the floor/ cause that would be naughty/ you don't need your diapers no more/ you don't go on the floor." This was followed by unrestrained ingestion of sugar by Mother and daughter.
The daughter peed in various other locations around the home throughout the day. In her bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, you get the point. All over. She begged for her diaper. Mother refused and forced her to carry on.  Finally dinner arrived and Mother was exhausted and found out that her partner in crime, aka hubster, would be coming home super late. So she let the two year old child eat dinner pantless because, why not? I'll tell you why not. Mid-dinner, something arrived at the dinner table that no one ordered. Poop on the chair.
I'm not wearing any pants and I'm about to leave you a present you won't want.

 Conclusion
 Wear pants at the dinner table.

*Unexpected Results
 Potty training was harder on this Mother than initially anticipated. Next time buy more candy. You never know when a snow storm or a Mother is arriving on the scene. Between each fecal spill I drowned my anxiety in dum dums and smarties, as a coping mechanism. Next time invest in some intensive care lotion. That way you can try to revive your poor chapped hands from the sorry state they have fallen to while using harsh disinfectants and desperately attempting to prevent feces and urine from infecting family members. Which you failed at, by the way, Gianna was crawling in pee on the floor that did not belong to her. 

9 comments:

  1. wow. I have no good advice for you. Good luck and see ya when that's all taken care of.

    love your little sister

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  2. don't worry @ Gia - she'll get into much worse in her lifetime! Just hang in there - it's my experience that one day they just "get it" and from then on out you're golden!

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  3. LOL Oh, no! Being a mom can be SO exhausting. You deserve a break... maybe try again on a day where the partner in crime is available to help w/ cleaning and encouragement! Glad you're giving cloth diapers a try - they are so easy and so economical! I just added to my stash in preparation for the new baby. Thinking of trying elimination communication, too, in order to get potty learning started early with this one... we'll see how it goes. =)

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  4. I think Davy did pretty well. Sebastian is half potty trained. He pees in his little potty as long as he doesn't have pants on. If he is wearing underwear sometimes he goes in the potty sometimes on the floor. I figure either way I save 25 cents on a diaper.
    Is your tummy okay? Have you ever heard of a book called Nourishing Traditions? I would love to talk to you about stomach problems. I feel like I am expert in that area unfortunately due to experience!

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  5. We have two songs....."I hear peepees (I hear peepees) Coming out (coming out). They're going in the potty (they're going in the potty). Yeah for Su (Yeah for Su)."

    And

    "Once upon a time there was a girl named ______. (Once upon a time there was a girl named _______.) ________ was a big girl and you know how I know? She'd sit on the potty and she'd GO GO GO! (complete with fist pumping) Sometimes she'd peepee and sometimes she'd poopoo, but every time she sat....like THAT (snap)"

    Way to go keeping her out of diapers allll day long. It's exhausting, but sooo worth it!

    It's been a big week for you in the potty/diaper department!

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  6. Oh no - what's going on with your colon now? And you liked Eat Pray Love? I can't decide if I want to read it or not.

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  7. Oh my goodness!! Conclusions upon reading this post:
    1. I can't wait to see little Gianna in her cloth diaps!
    2. I can't wait to get the strawberry sorbet recipe from you!
    3. I CAN wait till Gemma is old enough to potty train haha!

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  8. So glad you had some success with my "Eve" method!!! I'll probably need a completely different plan with Asher...there's no way it's going to be that easy the second time around. Can't wait to hear how the cloth diapering is going!

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  9. @Katie thanks a lot. And thanks for coming around finally today.;)
    @Ellen thanks for the encouragement! I think she finally got it. And Gianna is still alive too. :)
    @cbeliso thankfully the potty training is pretty much over. She is like a little professional now. I love cloth diapers. Who knew. I was so anti-cd for like 2 1/2 years and after less than 2 weeks I'm hooked. Communication Elimination is insane! I would love to know how the heck to do that. It amazes me.
    @Becky I'm pretty proud of her. And not having one more diaper to change is the best part! Sebastian is awesome! I heard that boys are so much harder and he is still so little! Way to go. I have not heard of that book. Maybe I will check it out! I have ulcerative colitis so that messes me up.
    @Sarah those are awesome songs! Did you used to be a teacher or something? Thank you thank you thank you for the diapers. I am in the process of purchasing some so I can return yours soonish. I can't believe I'm actually liking it! :)
    @Teresa Eat Pray Love is kind of a waste of life. When all was said and done. My colon is just overall sucky-I have ulcerative colitis...when the doc took a look he said it seemed to be much better...which is weird because it hurts more. grrr.
    @CA Rhoades I'm glad you got to see Gianna in action in her diapers. And I'm over dramatic with the potty training. I'm sure Gemma will be a potty pro.
    @Sarah thank you for the "Eve" method advice! Success! I bet Asher is just going to teach himself after watching Eve. Except for maybe the standing up part...Does that happen later with boys? That is scary unknown territory for me.

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