Jan 25, 2011

Mom Hair

Over the weekend I went to a salon for my once-every-18 months-professional haircut. Because it's a momentous occasion that doesn't even occur annually, I decided to do some big girl research.

At first I tried to figure out my face shape. I was mildly successful. I'm either round, oval, or square. Every few minutes I am positive I am one of those three.

Then I uploaded an awkward non-smiling picture of myself to some ridiculous hairstyle website. It advertised its amazing skills in helping you decide on a new hairdo or hairdon't. Unfortunately, most options were drag-queen-esque and I looked horrendous in every style.

So I decided to take a different route and look at some old photographs of my past hairstyles. I concluded one thing, I need a face-plant. Or maybe just a forehead transplant. Or maybe just no short hair and that I need to cover my Tyra Banks forehead. Or my Christina Ricci forehead.

Tyra, sans makeup. So what if my favorite hobby is seeing celebrities without makeup.
Enter scene: Tara, the sweetie-pie hair cutting extraordin-hair. She was sure that I did not have a ginormous forehead. hmmmm. Thanks Tara. This put me on the fence about bangs.

"Just cut the rest of my hair and at the end, I'll decide about the bangs" I told her foolishly.

Because I was crossing my fingers for a face-plant type transformation, when I saw the finished product of the bland haircut, I was disappointed. I thought it was going to be more extreme makeover-ish. I thought bangs would solve my face problem.

So I made a sort of desperate decision to go for the bangs. And not just any bangs. Wispy bangs? Wispy, that's right.

Then as I watched those scissors heading toward my giant forehead, I found myself screaming on the inside no! no! not my bangs! NOT MY BANGS!!! too late.

What was I thinking? I just took a year and a half to grow them out because they annoy me. And then ooops I did it it again. I left my haircut feeling confused.

When I got home Davy awoke from her a nap, took one look at me and seriously cried for Daddy. He was gone and she cried and cried. I tried to explain to her that it was me, Mommy, and that I got a haircut. I thought she must just be groggy from her nap. Probably a fluke.

Then I saw my sweet niece later that night. She had no idea who I was. Usually she is excited to see me. She looked at me with fear in her eyes.

Then our friend little Maggie didn't know who I was either and called me her Mommy's friend. I was a stranger to her.

party time. excellent hair.
Maybe the faceplant worked in the worst way possible. At this point I was pretty sure I looked like Quasimoto.

Have no fear, Mother to the rescue. To bolster my confidence, when my mother saw me post-haircut she said lovingly, "Awwwww you look like a little girl." Ummm ok. Not exactly the look I was going for Mom. Ugly little girl. Then she tried desperately to redeem herself after noticing my face sink, by saying "I mean you look like a movie star." Wow. Now that was super convincing. Oh well. I guess I'll get used to the little girly bangs. And get used to more people thinking I would have been a perfect candidate for the show 16 and Pregnant.

I don't think it's a coincidence that another definition of bang is explosion or crash. These bangs are a disaster.

Oh well. It doesn't matter what other people think and say about my bangs. What really matters is what I see when I accidentally catch my reflection in the mirror as I wash my hands, and that is...Wayne from Wayne's World. He's not exactly my style icon and for whatever reason I forgot that when I have bangs we look like twins.  He's not that bad looking, right?

Party time. Excellent.

7 comments:

  1. OMG. Love. I last had a haircut when Doms was 4 months old. Now he is almost 13 months. EVERYTIME I go I expect the same as you...to come out looking incredibly different (i.e better) and generally it never happens.

    When I went to get new glasses a couple of years ago I must have tried on every frame in the place and the lady was getting annoyed with me. After trying on the millionth frame and me muttering..."Mmmm nahhh I don't know..." while Gianna ran around like a loon, the lady goes, "OK What's wrong with those??" And I said, "You know. I think the problem is maybe I don't like my face!" lol she thought I was nuts...and she's probably right.

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  2. I like your bangs. And I don't mean the loud noises Davy causes.

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  3. I just chopped my hair off on Saturday and am having the traditional "haircut remorse" Now I remember why I grew my hair long!

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  4. so funny! i want to see them...you should post a pic of you next to wayne.

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  5. @Anne that's hilarious. I wonder who you see about a face transplant...we should look into that.
    @Katie thanks. Your check is in the mail.
    @Carly I did it on Saturday too! Two peas in a pod. Long hair is the bomb.
    @Anonymous I tried to take a picture of myself to use next to Wayne's pic but it was way too confusing trying to tell the two apart.

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  6. So, I had to get back on and finish reading this after seeing you on Sunday (I had gotten as far as the pic of Tyra when interrupted by one of my children....imagine that!) Anyway, from what I had already read, I knew that you had gotten your hair cut, but couldn't figure out what was so different....Totally missed the bangs! (Seriously hope you don't think I was a big weirdo for staring at you funny...just trying to figure out what I was missing!) I guess the wispy thing is working!

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  7. THis is hilarious!! I am just catching up on your blog because I got the 4am hangries after our ridiculous cat woke me up. I am in such a hair dilemma myself...maybe you can help me with ideas if I see you this week!! ugh - I never thought I'd have mom hair, but it's the worst!!

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