Sep 18, 2011

Is Your Kid Normal?

Probably not. Especially if you are raising them.

 I feel like this mmmmmm. about every day.

Do all children do this? Does she have ADHD? Why won't she listen to me? Is she going to end up in jail because she can't obey any rules?
Is that what normal looks like? Time will tell....

And I think the answer to those questions are....Some. Maybe. It's you not her. Pray.

Anyway. I have devised this simple way of deciphering if my child is normal...It goes a-something like a-this.

Be honest with your answers:

In a public scenarios is your child
a) Screaming the loudest
b) Playing or reading quietly
c) Constantly hitting other children or hurting animals
d) Talking to themselves in high pitched voices

At dinner is your child
a) Eating with their mouth open while talking/spitting food
b) Using utensils and keeping bottoms on seat.
c) Playing with knives and throwing most/all food
d) Building elaborate food architecture

When you ask your child to come
a) They scream "WHY!?"
b) They drop what they are doing and come to you wide-eyed and ready for obedience
c) They run into the street.
d) They are so absorbed in play that they don't hear you call them.

When at the grocery store your child
a) Lays on the floor and pitches a fit after you accidentally walk down the toy aisle and refuse Disney propaganda.
b) Helps you put food in the cart and are excited to hold your hand.
c) Knocks over displays, opens and eats candy, and knocks over the elderly.
d) Gets lost.

Your bedtime routine
a) Catch the children, pin them down, remove dirt and clothes from flailing body, dress for bed, pry open mouths, brush teeth, read books, close the door and listen to the screams.
b) Start the peaceful expected bedtime routine. Bath. Brush teeth. Read stories. Tuck in. Silence.
c) Lock child in room and listen to furniture moved across floor and loud bangs.
d) Your child is desperately sure that their toothbrush is actually an antennae and likely reaching the extra terrestrial. Because of the seriousness of this matter, bedtime is obviously out of the question.

If you answered
Mostly As-Crazy child and/or alternative parenting style and/or Normal Child
Mostly Bs- Mild Mannered Child and/or Amazing Parenting style and/or You lucked out and/or Normal Child
Mostly Cs- Start saving for bail and/or Pray
Mostly Ds- Either a genius or a delinquent. It's a fine line.
A good mix. Let's hope it is for your sake.

3 comments:

  1. clever and hilarious. i heart you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. P.S. I wonder if the two of you are truly rock star parents or you just lucked out with your (B children. Likely parenting. You guys are my heroes.

    ReplyDelete

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