How to Survive Stomach Bugs with Babies

For some reason, our home has been blessed/cursed with a fair amount of stomach bugs, intestinal issues, and anything else that induces copious amounts of unspeakable bodily fluids.

Issues of this nature are not fun when you are an adult because you're weak, tired, have to stay near the bathroom, eat only saltine crackers, and drink gatorade...but at least when you are older, most of the time, you can aim appropriately into toilets or bags or whatever to prevent your house from looking like a turned over porta-potty.

Little kids have no such aim or control or ability to determine what exactly nausea means to them and the world around them. And sometimes it means your little girl's room looks like something their dad did to a Kroger bathroom 10 years ago. (It's a good story involving 10 filled plates from an all you can eat buffet, a teenage boy and an unsuspecting public restroom.) 3:00AM just a few nights ago we heard a little cough. a tiny one. It never occurred to me what that cough was signaling. Mayhem of the stomach bug variety. One kind all over the crib and the blankets. And one kind all over the toddler bed and the pillows. And of course all over the tiny human girls. And then all over the large human father.

I escaped in some respects, only to be plagued by the disease later in the day which began at 3:00AM as the children never really got back to sleep. Partly because someone pooped on their blanket-which they cannot possibly close one single eye without and partly because someone couldn't stop vomiting.

Sweet goodness. It was weird though because even though it was mostly gross, the only part I really remember was looking at my husband at like 4AM in the bathroom with the two little girls and we both smiled at each other. Like a "this kind of sucks, but it's nice to see each other sacrificing for our little loves" kinda look.

Survival tips
1. towels are your friend. on the floor, in the bed, wherever people might spew.
2. Sacrifice yourself and your clothes. I learned this with a projectile vomiting infant. Let them throw up on you rather than your home. This way you just wash your clothes and don't have to go play hide and go seek with crusty bile.
3. Movies-TV-anything to keep them in one location. Reinforce that running while vomiting is discouraged at your home.
4. Watch your children while they are sleeping. They are so helpless and sweet and they need their mommies and daddies.
5. Do everything that your parents did for you when you were sick, then do it just a little bit better. You'll feel so legit. Back rubbing, saltine cracker giving, chicken soup making. See what a good parent you are?
6. Read some books together. It will make your kids geniuses. And think of what you could learn too from all those children's books.
7. While popsicles and watermelon are excellent sources of water and may be an enticing way to fill your babies with liquid, hold off unless you are desperate, outside, or in a bathtub. Haven't you cleaned up enough sticky liquid off your floor and children. Haven't you had enough yet? If not feed these two things to your kids like I did.
8. Go the heck outside. It's for everyone's health. And if they get sick outside...that's what hoses are for.

9. Hold them close if they'll let you. If you have wild children, this is a great opportunity to capitalize on their listlessness. Who knows when you can hold your little baby for that long again, soon they won't be babies anymore. tear.
10. They will probably be better soon. Keep telling yourself that. Imagine yourself in the near future, belly laughing at your present self and the mess that you are covered in. Isn't it hilarious in the future?