Apr 6, 2011

Naughty Things

Don't worry this is G rated. Why is our world so messed up that I can't even use normal words anymore without them having connotations that I do not intend. Why world?

You said poop. I'm telling.

Anyway. I really think it's time that I give you a glimpse of some naughty things that Davy has done in the last year or so.

I have been meaning to blog about one after another. And I since I try not to be a Debbie Downer about the thrills of child rearing, I was hoping to group them all in one naughty post.  So here it is.

Please do not let this discourage you if one day, you too, hope to rear your own small person. Most small persons are not this mischieveous.

I have heard a few mind altering stories of kids in my day and the naughty things they do. The ones where you just silently thank God you don't have a kid like that, then you simultaneously thank your Mother for knowing how to raise you to not behave like a wild animal. And then you have kids yourself. I was an excellent parent before I had kids.

Sometimes kids just do crazy things.
Like this. Davy walked into the living room, pulled down her pants then defecated on the rug. Then she stripped down to nothing. Then she put her feet in it. Then she played in it with her hands and smeared it all over the rug and floor.

In her defense, I was in the restroom and she was a mere 6 feet from the door of it. FYI: the time lapse was between 1-2 minutes. You may be asking yourself, why the playing and smearing of feces? Desperate for attention? Lack of adequate play dough? Your guess is as good as mine.

I had this really cute wall paper giraffe in Gianna's room, glued to the wall. Apparently Davy hated it, because she ripped off Mr. Giraffe's poor head and most of his neck and part his legs.

If you look closely you can see her mind reeling with thoughts of destroying her nemesis, Mr. Giraffe

Poor Gianna. This is why we can't have nice things. Because your sister is crazy.

One day as I was changing Gianna's diaper, she ganked the Desitin without me noticing and silently headed to Gianna's room and decided to paint a good portion of her crib bars with Desitin. And in case you were wondering what Desitin is...it stinks, it stains, and it goes on raw baby bottoms. And based on personal experience can be used as a full sunblock if you have no skin pigmentation or have some crazy burn scars that can't see the light.

This is after I cleaned most of it up. I made her help me clean it up. Unfortunately, that was probably fun to her.  She loves cleaning if she can use massive amounts of baby wipes.  Who doesn't?

One day, she pooped on the floor in my room. Put boots on her hands and feet, walked through the poop, with her hands and feet. Then she walked on all fours around the house and tracked her special delivery. After I regained my composure I attempted to re-clothe her. Then I was scolded by this naked + 4 booted 2 year old and was told that she could not get dressed, because, obviously, she was an elephant and elephants do not use the potty or wear clothes. Good to know. I'm always learning over here. I was pretty sure that was a one time, for the books, incident. A tale we would laugh at one day.

Oh wait. Then she did it again in her room in the closet. Same nakedness. Same cleaned up 4 boots on hands and feet. Different defecation. All over the house.

I know what you are thinking. Bad parenting. And you're probably right. This pooping on the floor incident may or may not have been related to the conversation Davy and Daddy had the previous day concerning where animals use the restroom. She found it quite amusing that they do not use the potty. Pooping for the sake of imaginative play. Hmmm...this story reminds me of a small boy who was found in his crib with a dump truck and his own dump in it. Perhaps it was her dear Daddy himself. Karma baby. Grandma C.-You hoped he would have kids just like himself... and he did!

Mid- wall scribble. Complete with a stool. Where the h-e-double tooth picks was your mother?
I lost count with the pen and chalk and pencil drawings on dressers, walls, tables, bed spreads, couches, the floor. Thankfully, the magic eraser and I are BFFs and I have been mostly successful in removing said unwanted graffiti.

Then for a while, she wanted a piece of the trash can. I don't know what he did to her, but it must have been bad. She beat him to the ground and then resorted to kicking him before I could save poor Simple Human. I guess she got her way, because soon after we recycled him.

I guess I could tell you all about mysterious pools of yellow water we've found on the floor throughout the house, but I think that will fill it's own post.

And I'm terribly sorry I didn't photojournal any of the "use our home as a potty" shots. There is always next time. ;)


  1. hahahahahaha i love this....not because it makes me happy that i am not the only mother going through these things...but because, yes maureen, you will laugh at this one day!!!! i heard a sappy country song today that made me bawl my eyes out....something like "you're gonna miss these days"....and we will....i think. :) (maybe not the poop smearing)

  2. Yes. Yes. and Yes. On all accounts you have a normal little human on your hands...at least according to my limited experience...I am but a novice.

    I am so glad that you have this blog, not only because it serves as an outlet as you try to just. get. through. days like this, but also because it is so entertaining for the rest of us...who can usually relate...the rest of us meaning me particularly.

    Just a thought (that you may already have had):
    Lately, when I have a CRAZY day with my littles I have tried to keep in mind that they are free of sin and generally get into their mischief quite innocently...I (try to remember to) offer it up for the days to come when they'll have much BIGGER things to deal with...I try to offer it all up for the salvation of their souls, a love of God and the Church, and for their purity.

    Good luck mama!

  3. @abby Thanks for the solidarity! I will definitely be laughing about it all and thankfully I am occasionally able to laugh at some poopy situations at the time. :)And I already can cry on the spot thinking about them growing up. So when they actually do make some serious headway in that department I will really have to pull myself together.

    @Detta thank you for affirming that Davy is normal. Sometimes I do question... ;) You have such great insight about their mischief. So true that they aren't really that culpable, just mostly curious. :) And again, sooo true about much much bigger things to deal with as they get older. You are such a great mama.


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