Mar 12, 2010

Get That Child on a Leash!

Ever since I was a child, I have noticed a strange phenomenon of children on leashes. It has disturbed me greatly. I vowed that I would NEVER under any circumstance put MY child on a leash. Leashes are for animals. People just need to learn how to control their children. And if they can't, don't take them in public or put them in a stroller for crying out loud.

These were my sentiments toward child leashes up until I became larger and larger and slower and slower due to a new little life growing inside me. During this time, ironically, my 1 1/2 year old got faster and faster. (Her daddy was a Division 1 sprinter in college- thanks a lot life.) She's fast. It's almost shocking to me sometimes. She seriously sprints. She was an early walker and now at the tender age of almost 22 months she likes to go "fast." Basically I'm fat and slow and she is reckless and fast. Oh, and also she like a contortionist when she tries to escape from straps. It is very difficult to keep her in them. ie. strollers, car seats, and grocery carts.

So I have been looking at these backpack leashes somewhat longingly, yet still disturbed greatly by the idea of them. I liked a few that I saw that did not look so animalistic and like I wanted to call Child Protective Services when I saw a child with one.

However, many of them are boyish, so that was holding me back.

Anyway to make this very long leash story short...I was at Walmart yesterday for a few "necessities," and came across this little number.

So first I looked at it and casually said to my daughter..."Davy, look at this?!" She got a big smile and her face and said "Monkey!" (OK ,well it was more like "Monee!") I then put that child leash in the cart as fast as my little sprinter can run, before I could change my mind or think about it too much.

Then I went through the line, got in the car and opened it. I even had to use my teeth. I guess I didn't exactly have to use my teeth, although I did pretend for a second that I was on survivor or something. I was excited. I never thought the day would come when I would be clamoring to open a child leash and desperately using my teeth to bite through that heinous plastic. (Seriously, do people steal child leashes?)

Anyway, I really wanted to make a trip to Lowe's after Walmart and I thought this leash might just do the trick. So...I handed her the monkey so they could get acquainted while I drove down the street. By the time we got there, they seemed to be on good terms, so I took that little sprinting angel out of her car seat and told her. "WE ARE GOING TO PUT THE MONKEY ON YOUR BACK! YAY" It seemed to work and she smiled as I strapped that leash on her. Then I held her hand and the leash. (I had to ease myself into the child leashing thing.) I looked around cautiously, to make sure that no one was judging me. Some men looked at me. But it might just be because I look like I am dangerously close to having a baby and I was at a hardware store.

I had to buy some random hooks and things for hanging pictures on plaster walls and while I did this...I let go of my little pumpkin's hand and could use BOTH hands to look for things. Meanwhile she destroyed the organization system of chains and hooks below me. But I felt alright about it. She couldn't sprint away! Woohooo. Success my friends. Success.

So if you are one of those people who thinks leashes are cruel and strange and wrong, but then you have a child that makes you rethink your original ideology. Do not be afraid. I won't judge you (But let's be honest, everyone else probably is.)


  1. When I was a little kid my Mom put me on a leash . I must have been a bit older then Davy because I can still remember it. Anyway, I loved wearing it. When I wasn't wearing it my Mom made me stay in the cart, but with it I could look around at whatever I wanted within leash range.


  2. That is hilarious. I hope if Davy does remember being leashed, she has fond memories of her monkey bib.


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