Jan 24, 2012

How to Stop Kids from Fighting

Lest you think I have forgotten about any beautiful people who read this blog. I did not. I actually wrote three posts in the last three weeks aptly titled; Complain Train, Awkward, and Embarrassing. I didn't publish them because they were horrible, I fell asleep, I suck. I was saving myself for this post and researching what works in our home when little children fight. See? Aren't you glad I didn't post those?

Any. way.

Back to important things like How to Stop Kids From Fighting. The way I play this game is with some little gems I remember screamed at gently whispered to me as a child, some of my own spastic explosions, and some things that are probably in line with the current child psychology trends. Some work. Some do not, but they feel so right.

In our home the fighting could be over toys or kitchen utensils or my personal prized possessions (the two pieces of jewelery I have left that they have not broken).

1. "DAVY! (Insert your older child's name here) Give it back to Gianna (younger child). She is so little." <---notice the focusing on Gianna's meekness. This only works for so long. Soon Gianna will gain the strength and fortitude to fight back. You might be creating a monster. A monster that gets whatever she wants because she is shorter.

2. If you guys can't play nice...I'm taking away this kitchen timer from both of you. <-----Usually this is followed by double intense screaming and crying with one child trying to outdo the other in volume and duration. It does end. But is it worth it if you lost the hearing in your left ear for 10 minutes? Maybe you should have just done eenie meenie minie moe catch a tiger by his toe.... At least only one person would have been screaming.

3. Do basically nothing. Nonchalantly yell the words "Share girls" from your favorite comfy spot on the couch with a snuggy or blanket.  <-----This almost always ends with a large thump and crying. Was your lack of parenting worth it? That depends what the thump was.

"Do not even look at the stuff from my stocking Davy."
4. Encourage the children in a civilized manner to "Use their words." Just like my friend Anne. She is a pro at at. Communication is the best way to get anything resolved <-----This is true. The only glitch I have noticed is that Gianna and communication are still treading on rocky soil. Gianna does understand two things, grab it and run like the dickens. And this usually works for her. Sometimes she finishes off the whole thing with a quick dodge into a curtain or a closet to hide with her booty.

5. Positive reverse psychology. "You GUYS are soooo nice to each other. I really like the way you SHAAAARE that tea cup." <-----Sometimes this works. Sometimes they look at me like I am an idiot.

6. Distraction. "Oh My Goodness, foul behaving children! I see the Garbage Truck coming!" <----can also work well if they are lacking sleep or just general intellect.

7." Everything is MINE!!! I OWN EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE!" Now this is a good example of when the parent screams as a last ditch effort to frighten children from fighting. <----***Anything. Anything and everything you say, CAN and WILL be used against you, screamed back at you, in probably a few minutes. Use this with extreme caution and if you like screaming and hearing screaming.

I hope this helps. When all else fails, just yell "Cookie!" Even if they kids don't hear you, go have yourself one.


  1. bribing with food always wins. we are probably setting them up for some sort of terrible food-anger connection that will plague them later in life but.....it's a cheap price to pay for peace lol

  2. Sooooo on the same page here. I was just thinking about this today and wondering if there were any alternatives to me yelling more loudly than them just so they can HEAR me. Love motherhood :)

  3. Hahahaha!! This post seriously had me laughing so hard that baby girl started to squirm!
    Glad to see you post again! I'd been thinking about you! (But not in a "stalker" sort of way, in a "hope she's feeling ok" way).
    Thanks for the giggle!


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