When Stay at Home Moms Don't Stay Home

Or why is my house looking more like a dumpster and less like a home? And we weren't even here to mess it. notfair.

I left home today at 9 and didn't get home until 9. I don't even have a societal recognized profession.

I really didn't do much if you are looking for actual results, but I did learn lessons of life and I am here to unload them on to the world wide webisphere of love.

So.

This morning I had my class where I learn to be a good mom/wife from the school of the best one yet. The very Blessed Mother. My True Devotion class. It is truly enlightening. The 2 times this year have gone at least. In fashionably 20 min. late fashion with some bathroom breaks, nursing/ soiling babe and momma en leche, and waiting for screaming to subside after I drop of Gianna (and Davy) in the fun kid room with very nice babysitters.

Except today, Gianna's screaming did not end and I felt like the right thing to do was to removed her and the rest of our girl posse from promoting momma's sanctity/sanity. sad day.

I got the notes from a friend. Basically that humility and obedience are must-haves for your road to being a phenomenal soul.

I went ahead and forced some humility into the morning after class via Plato's Closet. If you are trying to learn humility, bring some of your old favorite clothes into the store and have some obvi, very hip and dedazzled teen tell you that you are basically frumpy and ugly and they don't want your weird stuff. yayyyy humility.

Obedience didn't quite happen for anyone at our house today. But there is always tomorrow for dreams to come true.

i meant to add a really touching picture of my children.  pretty much the same thing.

The rest of the day away from home was spent at Grandma's for lunch and a fresh canvas to mess, Goodwill, the real Catechesis of the Good Shepherd for Davy, picking up Daddyo and driving him to a meeting with our three bambinas in the back of our very spacious and glamorous Ford Focus/clown car, Fiesta de Chipotle! and Davy's very first big girl shopping outing to buy clothes that are not hand-me-downs. We usually rock hand-me-downs like it's our job and love them so, but Davy is built like a pogo stick and we are having trouble getting things to stay on her little self and look mildly normal.

Plus, that eggplant floor length velvet favorite of hers was starting really show some ugly mom vanity all over me.

Wild Gardens of Monday or Adult ADHD

We picked some carrots from our garden today. It's ok that some were like one millimeter in circumference, right? Maybe we can put them in a salad for dolls. I didn't know what to do because some rabbits or aliens were eating the tops off. So... I impulsively picked them with my toddler friends.

I also just got a book called "breaking the vicious cycle" via amazon and an unmarked white kidnapping van. I ordered it last week after feeling especially ambitious and sick of ulcerative colitis impromptu parties.

Please don't tell anyone that has been trying to convince me that food will heal all things related to my brain and digestive system that I am starting to convert.  I do not fully believe that grain is evil evil. I am trying to be open minded. But not so much that my brain will fall out.

I saw a really phenomenal film yesterday. Definitely felt like I was on top of culture and societal norms after a few years of being hidden away stayathomemomin' it up. Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3. It was breathtaking. Davy has been reminding me all day of little things she learned about dogs from the movie. Yay for homeschooling preschool. Science class for the week.

Gianna and Davy are taking part in a Words of Wonder pseudo-Catechesis of the Good Shepherd FREE program at our church. It has been nice. Last week Gianna spent the bulk of the class rolling around wrestling two stuffed sheep on a green pasture rug. Then today some girl completely decked Davy for no reason after class. Her little body went flying into a wood chair after contact. I watched this little girl get a crazy look in her eye and literally run arms outstretched at an unsuspecting Davy across the room. It kind of freaked me out.

Usually when other kids hurt my precious babes, I am relatively laid back. But this time I was torn between wanting to score some revenge for Davy and run away in case little blondie wanted a piece of me too. 

Anywho. My tiny sweet baby Cosette has been sick for a few days over here and it hurts my motherly heart and my IQ which has been dwindling steadily for 4 and a half years due to scant sleep situations.

Someone very wise wrote commented on post about baby #3 that the third baby is magical and they. were. right.

I wear that belly dancing skirt every day. don't judge. it helps me clean.

She is not only my favorite person ever, but she is kind of like a little drug of happiness. Baby crack. Yay for awesome babies. Hope your day was filled with non-drug induced happiness, too. And in case you were wondering....Caffeine is not a drug: it's a medicine for mothers.

Grocery Shopping Without Kids Sucks

Yeah.  I said it.
You think I'm crazy because grocery shopping WITH them is sort of like bathing in invisible lava while all of your frenemies gloat at your twitching and yelling. (Promise no more analogies, and no more chocolate covered espresso beans after dark.)
But tonight I went out. With coupons. And a legit list. Sans kiddos.
And tonight I was slammed with the very very unfortunate reality that I actually still suck at grocery shopping even though no one distracted me physically.
This is what did distract me.....
Someone glanced at me in a friendly, nonthreatening way near the raw chicken, as if I was normal. It completely weirded me out for two reasons. Firstly, I am def. not normal. And secondly, I was alarmed that I felt like I needed to communicate to this stranger, "I'm a motha, yo. You don't knooow me."
And mister raw chicken aisle smiler, if my three extra appendages were here, you would only look in my general direction to count to three, because when they flail, they seem to multiply.
Then you might think, hmmmm, they all look awfully little, maybe I should ask that woman if she plans to make more of them or show her how witty I am with a joke alluding to her obvious ignorance of birth control.
Besides my very awkward offense at stranger smiles, I was a little irritated that when I got home and saw all the extra non-list items I had thrown in the cart, I couldn't tell myself that it was alrightbecausethekidswerecrazyandyoujusthavetothrowstuffinthecartandgetthehellodollyoutofthere.
And if you read that ridic runon sentence, you win a grocery trip alone that somehow makes you miss your kids.

orrrr reward yourself with some coffee medicine+your child appendages. goodtimes.

Something Deep or Crazy

Since I haven't written on my lovely blog in like oh a MONTH! What the what? I decided today would be a good day to come on back to my lovely little home of world wide web therapy and unload my little (ok maybe not so much) self onto the internet.

A few things/ excuses. Just a reminder that my computer fell from about 4 feet because someone adorable and 4 years young at mi casa knocked it down. a while ago. I think I mentioned it once or 10 times. And....I still am without one.  This is a good thing if you are tiny at my house, because I am much more attentive, but a bad thing for my internet therapy sessions.

This is my husband's work computer. Thanks work and thanks husband who passed out next to me from pure exhaustion.


Today was a little cray cray. Not really. Pretty normal. Crazy is the new normal over here.

Bring. it. on. 

That's been my newfound drunkwithmotherhood bad-itude over here since we became a family of children thrice over.

How much crazier can it get? I can do this. I'm not really really tired. These have been my new mantras.

Then today came and some old lady knocked on my door and just shook me down from my tree of feeling slightly capable.

She had on bright red lipstick, purple gray hair and a pretty damn accusatory tone.

"Did you know you LEFT YOUR KID ALONE OUTSIDE?"

She was squinting at me all cock eyed and crazy faced.

I had to tell her the glaring truth.

"Yes. I ran in the house to get my other one and put her in the stroller."

I didn't even mention the baby I had to strap to a carrier or the Davy wardrobe malfunction or the fact that Gianna was buckled in safely far from the street in a stroller and that I had been OUTSIDE as crazy face approached my house. I though surely she had seen me run in?

And then she still looked at me like I had three wild heads to match my kids.

"Uh...do you want me to sit outside with her so she isn't ALL ALONE?"

"Oh thanks, but I think she'll be ok, we are coming right out."

She sneered at me and so I conceded, "I mean if you want to, sure???"

I got outside like 30 seconds later, Gianna was asleep in the stroller and that weird old lady was halfway down the street, probably planning to call CPS. awesome blossom.

Note to self: face stroller away from street if you have kids in it and crazy looking ladies walking by.

I need your help to pretend there is a really cute picture of my girls {here} in bed in the early hours of the day all cozied up next to our little cozy Cosette. That's my favorite picture lately.

I miss reading all my favorite mommyblogs. I will be back to y'all soon.