Dear Davy

Dear Davy,

There have been moments in this week I have found myself counting the days until you are in preschool. And not in a good way. I might go far enough to say you have been a stinker.

You told me for the first time "I don't like you." ouch. Then you threw Gianna on the floor WWF style. Approximately 147 times. You took all my return labels and stuck them to the kitchen wall. You stuck spoons in all the keyholes in every doorknob in our home. You drew with crayon on the couch. You locked me out of my bedroom and I had to call help to break in through the window. You spilled water on the floor more times than I could possibly count after obliging your need for "big water" to avoid your escalating tantrums. You no longer allow me to call you the name your prince/father and I gave you on the day of your birth and demand to be addressed as Cinderella at all times. You drew with purple crayon all over my bathroom door. the hallway walls. my bedroom walls. and my bedroom mirror.  You walked in the garage, found an old glass jar from the 1940s full of nails, dumped them out in your shopping cart and then threw the glass jar on the ground. You single-handedly emptied every thing in your reach in the living room within 30 minutes of being awake. You ran outside with no pants on. In the rain. You threw my toothbrush on the plunger after climbing on the vanity and using it.

Buuuuut you also drove your purple little tikes car over to me on the drive way and told me "Just driving over to say I love you mom." And you carried my purse in the house today after going to the park. And you patiently sat in your stroller as I chatted it up with a friend on a walk. You made a vacuum hose into your baby and mothered her better than some humans. You took a nap today!
[insert dramatic pause for effect and take a deep cleansing breath]

 
You dressed yourself in some fantastic outfits, mixing animal prints, tie dye, and tutus with ease. You hourly feed Gianna things you pilfer from the fridge, affectionately known to you as baby Snow White. You give her almost anything she wants in your hands. You let me hold you as you almost fell asleep in my arms yesterday. And then opened your eyes slowly and told me that you were "just thinking about your prince." (aka: daddy). You told me you want to be a mom when you grow up. You are three years old and I love your wild spirit and your independence. And I really love your never ending giggles and big heart. You melt mine everyday in between making me crazy. Please stop growing up.

I love you sweet three year old.

Love,

Your mom or as you currently call me "Princess Jasmine"


PS: I think when you sleep, it really helps me remember the good times a little more clearly.

Love in Loss

There is nothing in the world more beautiful than a baby.

Maybe I'm biased. But I know I'm not alone. Every parent knows the light that a baby brings to the world.  And I've noticed people who've lived the longest or just live their life to the fullest are often the ones who see the beauty of babies with the most clarity. They see them for the gift and the miracle that they are.

And the two times that I've been blessed with new babes in my life have been filled with more joy than I ever knew was possible. And more love than I ever knew I was capable of giving or receiving.

Although sometimes brief in the rush of the day, watching a small person truly "see" the world in all of its wonder and joy is a precious gift. It helps to put life back in perspective and focus on the things that truly matter. 

I am slowly realizing that my sweet baby is no longer as deserving of the title. She is precariously close to becoming a full blown toddler. A sticky sweet smiley ball of love running around and lighting up every corner of our home is my little Gia-bear. And her joy is still as contagious as ever and my love for my once upon a time babies has snowballed into full blown self-sacrificing-would-rather-go-without-food-or-water-or-bathroom-breaks-for-the-sake-of-my-sweet-child-kind of love. And the thought, the mere thought of something happening to them makes me weak.

And then two weeks ago happened. It started out with a phone call from my dad that my oldest cousin's sweet two year old Ella was missing. She had been with her daddy and big sister Lily swimming at the lake by their house and playing on the beach and then it was time to go. Floaties off, getting shoes on, packing up, talking to Lily, then in moment Ella was gone. It was crowded there at the beach that evening. No one saw her. Her Daddy ran to the water, then to the woods, no sign of her.  Every parent's worst nightmare burdened my sweet cousin and her husband and devoted father of their girls. And divers came and hundreds scoured the woods and prayed and cried. And after 19 hours, Ella was found in the lake by her home. Three feet of water at the beach sharply dropped to a 20 foot depth and dear sweet Ella was there.

Her life was short, but so beautiful. The stories I heard at her Visitation and Celebration of Life have touched me irreversibly. She lived a life of love and joy. She knew what was most important in life and lived it gloriously. The love Ella gave is a gift that everyone who has been touched by her short life will be blessed with for the rest of their life. And her life will keep giving to her family and friends. Everyday is a gift and a blessing and love is all that matters, but it's so easy to forget. Ella was so loved and loved her family so much. Her life blessed my family and so many others and taught us gratitude in a way that only the loss can. I wish she didn't have to go, but I will never forget the love I learned from Ella. "Our hearts aren't broken. They are broken open to be filled with the love and grace of God." I know Ella is being held in the arms of her Papa in heaven. 

Please pray for Ella's family. And remember what truly matters.

Davyisms: From the Newly Three

Da Da Da DAVY.  Always my favorite way to start the day at our house. But I don't have a choice really. Here are some gems from today. I wish I could remember some from beyond today, but my brain has limited capacity and seems to immediately dump content from previous days. yay for blogging to help remember.

Today as we are walking in the house she looks at me seriously and states. "Mom, you know, some kids, they don't have any noses."

"Mom, you are the mean step motha." Woah. Why do all the Disney Princesses gotta hate on step mothers. It's wrong. And I am not your step motha child. I immediately retorted, "Davy I distinctly remember birthing you." She nodded like she understood. "Oh ok." Glad we got that taken care of. "Gianna you are the step motha."

Almost first thing this morning. "I love you sooooo much. I will always take care of you momma."Suuuuch a relief. Who knows if social security will still be around when I need it and I am now immortalizing this little comment in the blogosphere, so that in 20 years, 40 years, whatever, she can look back and remember that she promised to take care of me. always and forever.

"I really like it when you wash my underwear mom! Thank you so much!" You have no idea what this sounds like to a mother's ears. It's better than... oh I don't know. but wow, I will take it anytime she wants to say it.

"I want to go to the library and shake my egg." I know a little weird. Egg is not a weird euphemism in our house for behind. Our library really does have an egg shaking party two times a week for toddlers with dancing and singing.

"Nooooo! I'm not Davy, I'm Cindewella. Are you really who you are mom?" Uhhh I think so? Sounds like a loaded question. Ummmm too deep for before dinner time.

"The pee-pee was tryin to come out, but I didn't let it. I ran to the bathroom and I put it in the potty." Thank you for the report and for not peeing on the floor, as you do often.

"Mom! I'm just going to outside to check on the birdies!" It really is unfortunate that she learned to open our front door. Today she ran outside naked in the middle of changing out of her swim suit. I had a mini heart attack.

"I want it to be parade time." Why Davy? "Because I want candy." A child after my own heart.

Upon waking up pretty much every morning. "Who we gonna see today? Who's house are we goin' to? Where are we goin'? Who's comin' ova?" Such a little extrovert.

"Maggie, you are my prince. You are the prince Maggie, and I am the princess." Eventually Maggie's eyes pleaded for princess status. And us moms had to intervene as Davy tends to be a little overbearing to her princes.

All in Davy Day's Work.